Failure and my relationship with it.

I’m one of those people who really embraces the option to fail head on.  But you’ve got to pay attention to that word “option” – because it means a lot. I don’t like failure when it’s associated with a lack of choice.  If I try something and I fail at it, but I didn’t choose to fail – I’m pretty pissed.  I don’t try many things because of this.

It makes me a bit of a shell of a person.  I’m okay with this because, as I said above, I really embrace the option to fail.  Which makes Invisalign a challenge for me.  The option just isn’t there.  Sure, if I’d like to just throw away $5,000 – or extend my experience to two years instead of eighteen months, it might be an option.  But God no, I won’t be doing that. It’s day two and I’m already touching my mouth thinking, “How the hell am I going to sustain a normal life with this in my mouth every day?”

I realize this is a small and stupid thing to complain about when there are people suffering way worse atrocities. So take my complaints loosely, but I can’t sing along to songs goofily in my car without feeling the glass pierce my gums.  I can’t just crack open a beer and say, “I’m going to be fat, and damage my liver tonight.” without extreme thought to the care of these things.  I can’t have an extended conversation with someone without being like, “Okay I need a break from using my mouth.”

Most likely by day five I will look at this post and think, “Cool it, sister. You were fine.” But this temporary strangeness? Not okay with it. More importantly, not okay losing my option to fail.  I love failing.

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