I’m not a beginner to yoga, but I am a beginner to the actual practice of connecting it to one’s mind. Alright, pretty sure that makes me a beginner, because that’s an important part. And it’s fascinating really, beginning something like this. It’s incredibly thought-provoking, yet feels phony at the same time.
Yesterday I almost rear-ended someone in front of me. The funny thing is, it’s because I was watching a yogurt I had made for myself. I lost the cover to one of my sacred Pyrex containers. After briefly eyeing said container’s wobbly state, I was suddenly certain I was going to smash into the person in front of me. Quick braking sent my yogurt flying, my (recently cleaned/vacuumed) car was drenched in lemon scented greek yogurt, with walnuts and mango pieces every where. I stared at it, pretty disheartened. It smelled really good. I visualized the clean up process, glanced at the clock showing my creeping lateness for work, and thought to myself, “Oh well. At least my lil’ Focus is okay, and no one’s hurt.”
I had been doing yoga for two days. I don’t want to congratulate the practice for this response; but I’m pretty sure old me would’ve already said “Fuck.” about twenty times.
Hot yoga is my yoga-ing of choice. I like the malleability of my limbs, the way the hotness makes me almost vacant, and the way I look is the least of my concerns. I connect with my reflection in a way that’s only, “Are my shoulders relaxed? How is my posture?” Not, “Oh god, you’re a bit splotchy looking.” or “Wow, the hair needs help.” Sometimes I appreciate the glistening of sweat; I know it doesn’t equate to hard work. It does equate to how hydrated I am, though – and that’s something I work pretty hard at.
I’m thankful for the process. What I’m reading is gratitude is pretty important in the practice. It’s difficult to not have gratitude for something that makes you sleep better, makes you feel more kind, and makes you forget that your focus has been “Weight Loss” since age ten. I’ve been awfully self-absorbed in that regard.
It’s also difficult to not have gratitude for something teaching you to be quiet, observant, and happy. Why shouldn’t we strive to be those things more often?
In my pursuit to chase this lifestyle, to make it my own, and to really discover myself through it – I found the photograph I featured with a beautiful quote by Herman Hesse. The stillness is really the most perfect thing about yoga. I never realized how important it was to hold a posture, to shake a bit, breathe, and then relax because you are you, and you are still.
Did I just lose myself there for a second? Probably. But I like it this way.