I haven’t blogged enough in the new year so far. I had meant to write a lot more, but I find myself beginning drafts and quickly letting them become unfinished pieces. A lot like my life in general, really. I suppose I could update on Invisalign, I shamefully missed Set 11, so here is set 12:
The most significant thing about the last two sets have been just a complete lack of discipline what-so-ever. It’s pretty awful, and it’s funny because lately the only thing in life I have discipline in is whether or not I work out (I rarely miss a day), and my focus on healing my back.
Everything else has taken a backseat in development, and it has me worried. But really, if we were all focused on everything 100% of the time, what sacrifices would we be making? Why is it so easy to feel deflated if we aren’t on all the time? Why isn’t it forgivable to be a little relaxed in some areas of our life?
I guess as I get older I start feeling inadequacies more severely. There are things I had hoped to accomplish by now, or maybe it’s not that at all. Maybe it’s that I didn’t have things I’d hoped to accomplish by now, and it has me feeling like, “Fuck. What have I been doing? What have I achieved?”
I had always hoped my life would be absorbed in something creative, and instead on my other monitor there’s a cash flow chart and a spreadsheet full of mutual funds. There’s a very small (yet strangely loud) part of me that wants this blog to spur creativity, spur that drive to reconnect with the girl I was just out of high school.
So today I’m forgiving myself for being a bit off. I ran into 2015 with guns (biceps) blazing – seriously, I couldn’t stop my commitment to fitness; and it won’t stop either. But now it’s time to commit to some other important things; creativity, personal development, and happiness outside of appearances.