every day (the confident & cocky version)

I walk Gigi every day and watch her little body speedily stride ahead of me. Quick steps, head up, tail neutral until she sees something interesting. A squirrel, another human, a plastic bag. 

I learned that when a dog kicks up grass behind them, it means they are confident and cocky, and I smile at that information. I want my dog to be confident and cocky because GOOD FOR HER. And now, when I see her kick up dirt behind her, spreading her pheromones around, I like it even more.

She’ll be five in August, and I can’t help but be reminded of the passage of time with irritation. Knowing how quickly the last five years flew by serves as a threat. The future plays in my head: my pup won’t be with me until my last breath, but I’ll be with her until hers. 

I don’t sit in that thought for too long. Gigi’s next to me on the couch as I expel these thoughts, and I know I have her youth and her crazy as much as I have only one of those for me. 

My walks with Gigi are sacred alone time during the weekends. Lately, I’ve opted for music (transparency on) instead of the sounds of nature. Because we’re up so early (it’s six a.m. on a Saturday as I type this), it feels like we beat everyone. The rare car rushes by us, and the rare person waves hello. It’s just us. 

I don’t know why I’m compelled to write about it so much. When we walk, I pen poems in my head—something about how the light hits through the trees, how Gigi trustingly looks back at me, or the odor coming from the farm we walk by. We can’t see anything over the high, sturdy fence, but when my headphones are off, I can hear the soft cooing of hens as they sleep or nest or whatever it is they’re doing. 

On our walks, I’m reminded of two things I love dearly: movement and reflection.

Movement, because to earnestly love the way Gigi wiggles through her walks and kicks up dirt is to earnestly love the concept of being able to express something with our bodies. We aren’t meant to idly sit around. Our bodies want us to be confident and cocky.

Reflection, because look at what I’ve done. I’ve word-dumped my feelings about how special these walks are to me. And when I’m older, and Gigi’s not by my side, and I look back on this little nothing of a blog; it will mean all the somethings to me.